crunchimomma- Heather Spergel

Author, Mom, and Creative Nut!

EVERYTIME I try to Poop!

WHY WHY WHY?  Every time I need to use the bathroom SOMETHING HAPPENS?  I stop the moment, the world, the day, the activity for my child to poop when they need to.  I RUN through the mall like a crazy woman, child in arms, older child running, stroller flopping at my back, hair standing straight up, doll hanging out of my purse, foaming at the mouth, oblivious to any other human…. so my daughter can POOP in the potty and not in her undies.   I hold my child over the nasty potties, the sticks in the woods, I will do ANYTHING to avoid changing any more cloth diapers or nasty undies.  It’s over.  So why doesn’t this happen for me?  Why don’t MY kids go out of their way to cater to the needs of MY colon??  Of course I know the logical answer to this, but in the moment of frustration, logic is GONE!

Here’s what happened this morning.  I got to work (at my parents’ house).  Gabi used the potty and went to the chair to read so I could go.  It only takes me a few moments, so what’s the big deal, right?  She is 2 1/2 after all.  GO READ, let Mommy POOP IN PEACE!  She goes, smile on her face, and I sit for my 1 min of peace and quiet.

Not to be too graphic but I was halfway through with my uh, situation and she screams a blood curdling scream.  SCREAMS.  (I know this scream… it’s a “there’s a buggy on my slide!” kind of scream.  I sort of wipe, pants at my ankles, yelling to my mom to help me… waddle out of the bathroom…. Yes, butt to the wind and all…. Gabi is sitting on the chair screaming at a huge ant walking across the room AWAY from her.

CRAP!  Literally? ha.  I grab her up, telling her it’s a stupid bug. AHHHHHH!  Plop her onto the bathroom floor (Plop? Oy vey, no pun intended).  Finish my situation.  …… NOW I’m laughing. 

Can’t a woman Poop in Peace?!


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